What If I can't do this anymore?
by IgnoranceIsNotBliss
Summary: Edward left Bella in New Moon, and soon after she married Jacob. She realized this was a mistake as he doesn't love or care for her. She keeps her diary hidden; but one day, Jacob finds it. What will happen? Rewrite coming soon ;
1. Chapter 1

**Sorry that I deleted it the first time. Mistake :S**

**B POV (You probably guessed that though)**

It has been almost 700 days since he left. I can't bear to be without him. I can't. I wish I had someone who cared about me again. If I can't get that, then can't I die? Please, I need you Edward. I love you, Edward.

It has been 700 days since I've been alive. Even though those 700 days have been more jam-packed than ever. I have done so many things that I regret that I have lost count. A few months ago I made the biggest mistake of my life, and I can't take it back. I married Jacob Black. I thought it would take the pain away. I though it would mend what was left of me. It didn't. And now I regret it. I thought he loved me. He didn't. The writing above is my diary. I keep it, only to keep note of how many days it has been since. I don't know why I do it. It doesn't help either. It's not like anyone is going to read it and magically bring Ed…him back. I wish something would help, but I don't think anything would. I sit in this chair for almost seventy-five per-cent of the day. The rest is work. Housework. I wish Jacob did love me. Not because I wanted to love him back, but because it would be easier to face the day, knowing that someone cared for you. Jacob didn't care for me. Not one bit. He was using me. I don't know why, but I wish he wouldn't.

Every night it is the same. I don't want to think about it. He hurts me. A lot. He knocks me out. That is the only way I get to sleep at night. I wouldn't be able to sleep otherwise. We don't share the same bed and I'm glad. I can't bring myself to imagine what would happen if we did. I sleep on the couch. It isn't comfortable, but it is preferable.

I stood up and left the room, I wanted to leave the house. I knew how angry Jacob would be if I ever left the house without his permission. I walked downstairs and found Jacob sprawled across the couch in our small living room. He greeted me the usual way

"Beer, please. Oh and Bella, I love you." I scowled. No he didn't. He said that every night. I went and retrieved the beer, just like he asked. I handed it to him and he growled.

"Bella." He said, his voice lower than it had been in a few days. "When I say get me a beer, It means get me a beer. Not this crap." He stood up so quickly that I knew I was in trouble. I backed away a few paces, and almost tripped. He threw the beer can at me and it hit the wall. Not satisfied that he hadn't hit me, he stepped forward and punched me across the face. Hard. I cried out, like I did every time.

"Apologise! Now!" He roared.

I yelped "Sorry, Sorry!" I almost broke down again, and I was sobbing again. I ran out of the room and into the hallway. I needed room to breathe. Then I thought.

What if I got out without him noticing? What if I managed to sneak through the tight grip of his iron fist? What if I took a chance? Without thinking about it anymore than that, I grabbed my coat. I opened the door a fraction and felt the cool of the evening breeze on my face. It felt good. I couldn't even remember when the last time I'd been outside was. I took another daring chance and opened the door a little further. Just wide enough for me to squeeze through. As soon as I was out into the cold, I ran. I knew I couldn't use the car, so I went on foot. I could do with the exercise.

I ran out along the beach, and by the waves. I almost yelled out loud for how alive I felt. I tripped over something, like I usually did. Probably my own feet. I stayed on the ground. I didn't feel like moving. My mood had slipped dramatically, and now I was feeling worse than before. My adventure outside had made me realise that this was reality, and that this was my life. I spent my days locked up in a crummy, stuffy room. I couldn't live like this. I couldn't.

I spent another hour by the beach, and panicked when I realised what the time must be. I picked myself up off the floor, and sprinted back to the house. When I got to the door, I noticed that all the lights were out, and the curtains drawn. I opened the door slowly, and slipped inside.

**How was that? Any good? Reviews would be appreciated :P**


	2. Chapter 2

I knew there was something wrong. The atmosphere was so dense, and different. I turned around to close the door and in that instant, I could tell he was behind me. I turned round, slowly, and saw his silhouette. Right in front of me. I didn't scream this time; I stood my ground knowing what was coming. He took one step towards me, and punched me in the stomach. I buckled over, but refused to scream. I knew that I couldn't show my weak side.

"Bella, I'm so mad right now. You know that, don't you? You also know what happens when I get mad. Let's just hope you don't get too close before hand."

Yes, I knew what happened when he got mad, I'd seen it a thousand times. I'd watch him mutate into the creature that he really was. I also knew what happened when you stand too close. I did once.

*Flashback*

"_Jacob! Jacob, calm __**down**_**! **_Please calm down! You've got to calm down!" I screamed at him to stop, but he wouldn't. I knew it was worthless. I knew I needed to move out of the way, but I couldn't force myself to move. I was literally paralysed with fear. Like what happens in books, that doesn't actually happen in real-life._

"_Jacob,__** look**__ at me! __**Stop! Please!**__"_

_Jacob was the most angry I had seen him, and I knew what was happening next, I knew._

"_Bella, you know what happens, and you will be punished!" Jacob yelled at me through his anger. With that, He shuddered, and was the gigantic russet brown wolf that was his normal self. He snarled, and lunged forward towards me..._

_A few hours later…_

_I can't remember anything on from that, so the next thing I actually remember seeing, was the cracked ceiling of our living room. I was lying on the floor, next to the fireplace that never had a fire going. I had so many scars on me, I couldn't count them. I didn't mind the scars on my body, but, as I stood up to look in the mirror, I noticed three deep gashes right across my face. I minded those ones and I didn't go outside for a long time. And when I did it was only to go out into the garden._

*End Flashback*

Now, Jacob leered over me, and I knew that the same thing was probably going to happen again. Without anymore words, Jacob stamped on my face. It probably broke my nose. It hurt. A lot. This time I screamed. He kicked me in the stomach again, and I whimpered louder.

"Much better." Jacob muttered. "Follow me, Bella" I didn't move, so he took me by the hand, and started to drag me up the stairs.

"Fine!" I yelled. I had had enough of being dragged around. He let go of me, and I scrambled to my feet, ignoring the almost blinding pain in my stomach. Then, though, the smell of blood from my nose got to my head, and I tried to breathe in through my mouth. My head was spinning, and I was struggling to remain standing.

"Hurry **up**!" Jacob yelled.

I whimpered and ran up the stairs to where he was waiting.

"Come through to the cupboard, Bella. There you will find the reason I bothered to talk to you." I stopped dead. I knew what was in the cupboard. I knew what was making him so angry. There was only one thing that I could think of in the cupboard that would make him this angry. He opened the cupboard door, and leant in, to pick something off of the top of the desk. Something I had left, lying open on top of the desk. My damn diary.


	3. Author's Note

*This isn't an update*

I just want to say thanks to all the wonderful people who added me to their favourites. I'm forever grateful =)

Some of those wonderful people are…

.19

Electric rose 09

J.A.B.E

RougeRana.

Jacobgirl316

Thanks xx


	4. Chapter 4

"Care to explain, Bella?" Jacob's voice was spiked with hate and anger. I couldn't answer. I couldn't speak.

"Okay, seeing as you don't want to speak, then, why don't I read out some of the things written in here to you? Let's see…" He started flicking through the pages of the precious book almost absentmindedly. The seconds ticked by, slowly.

"Ah, what about here." He began quoting from the book.

"_It has been 524 days since Edward left, since I've been alive. I can't take it anymore. If he didn't love me, why did he bother with me? Was it merely a distraction? Who did I get involved with Jacob? Why doesn't he treat me like he used to? What have I done to deserve this? Tell me what I've done…"_

Jacob flicked through the book again. He stopped at another page, and began quoting again.

"_It has been 650 days since Edward left. Why am I bothering with life? No-one on earth cares for me, so why do I bother. Jacob wouldn't hurt if I was gone. Neither would Edward."_

"So you still love Edward, then? Because, last time I looked, you loved me. Edward never loved you. He was a jerk, right from the beginning. You didn't love him, and you still don't. He was using you as a distraction. You know that, too."

The all too familiar hole in my chest was being properly gouged out. I started breathing heavily. I needed the oxygen. Why was he saying these things? Why did he need to? He knew that I did certainly **not** love him, and I definitely know that he doesn't love me. My head was spinning. I couldn't hear those words anymore. I just couldn't.

"This is going to be interesting." Jacob said, a smile in his voice, but most certainly not on his face. "Why don't you explain, Bella? I can see that you know why you did it, but I need to know too."

"Jacob, I- ." I tried to speak, but he interrupted me like he usually did.

"You know what? Don't bother, I'm sure you have a perfect excuse and I'm sure it was just about you. Of course it wasn't about anyone else. You never do anything for anyone else. You sit in this cupboard all day, feeling sorry for yourself. Do you know that while you do that, people are actually out, working? You have never done a decent days work in you're life I reckon."

I knew that. I knew that everything that he had just said was true.

"You know what? You're life isn't hard. You're life isn't hard at all. But from now on, I will try to make it a little bit more interesting." He stepped forward a little more, so he was right in my face, towering over me. "I just hope we don't have anymore slip-ups, for you're sake." He slapped me right across the face again, and laughed as I slid down the wall. Defeated.

It's been about half and hour since Jacob found my diary. I haven't moved from the spot. I'm still shaking. Jacob left the house. I don't know (Or care) where he has gone. I'm glad that he went out. That means I can compose myself before he get's back.

What happens next? I wondered. What is supposed to happen next? Do we just continue to act like we normally did? Smile and act like loved-up teenagers whenever we went out in public. Cuddle on the couch whenever someone came round to visit? I didn't think I could do that anymore. Why should I? A voice in the back of my head asked. Why should I suffer? Shouldn't I just tell someone?

No! Another voice popped into my head. It was Jacob's. I knew it was right. I knew that, if I told anyone, then no-one would believe me. I was just the wife, the one who gets no opinion. But wait, I shouldn't be a wife. I only just got out of School for crying out loud! I haven't even gone to university! I shouldn't be here!

My fear turned into anger. How had I let him take control, like I was some kind of pet? How had I done that? He is younger than me! I should have been stronger in the past. Strong enough to say "no".

I picked myself up off the floor and ran into the cupboard that I called home. I picked up a Berol marker pen off the desk and wrote in my precious book.

_How could you do it? I never saw it coming. I need an ending. Why can't you stay, just long enough to explain?_

They were the words to a song I knew.

_I hate my life. I need it to end._

That was it. I needed it to end.


	5. Chapter 5

What was I thinking? I couldn't end my life, just like that, could I? Normal people don't do that. Most people do have hard lives, but they deal with it. Wouldn't it be selfish to do that? Whilst everyone else is suffering, it would be unfair, wouldn't it.

I heard the door bang open downstairs, and I almost fell off my chair. The footsteps were getting louder, and I knew he was coming up the stairs. Scrambling up off the floor, I picked up my diary, and put it under the floorboard were I usually put it. He didn't know about this place. It was a secret. One of the only secrets I had from him. The footsteps stopped at the top of the stairs, and I held my breath, praying that he wouldn't bother to come in. After he stood outside my door for a few moments, the footsteps disappeared into the distance. I sighed, and got up to make my way to the cupboard door. As soon as I reached the door, though, Jacob returned, and stopped outside the door again.

"Bella, if you aren't going to bother to come out, then I may as well leave you there. I'm still mad about the diary, you know. It hurt to know that you didn't love me. I'm sure you love me now, though. Have I not done enough for you, Bella?" He paused to let that sink in. "Have I not done enough by giving you a place to live, when Charlie died? Is it not enough, that I have given you food since then? I don't suppose anything is enough for you though, is it?"

We never spoke about Charlie. **Ever**. He knew that. He knew that I couldn't talk about that like I couldn't talk about Edward. I realised I was sobbing again.

"You know I can't talk about either of them." I said, plucking up the courage to fight back. "You know how much it hurts. I can't do it Jacob."

"I know. I just think it's a shame that Charlie can't see how far you've come in life. I was deeply sorry when he passed. I truly was, but I have gotten over it. I think you should too." He was teasing me. He didn't mean any of it, at all.

"Maybe a few minutes to yourself would help." Then I heard a click before the footsteps faded away. What was that click? What was it? I ran over to the door again. I hadn't realised that I had backed away from it. I grabbed hold of the handle, and tugged. Nothing happened, so I tugged again. Crap! He had locked me in. "Jerk" I muttered, under my breath. Then, deciding better, shouted "I** hate** you, Jackass!"

He didn't reply, so I tugged again at the door. Nothing happened, obviously. Then, I was so frustrated, that I kicked the door, really hard. Great, so, now I was stuck in a room, with my "husband" outside and a sore toe.

There had to be a way out, there just had to. Didn't there used to be a window in this room? Yes, I think there did, didn't there? A few memories came back to me as I thought about it.

*Flashback*

_We were just moving in, and we were placing the furniture in the rooms upstairs. This was when we were newly married. That meant that I didn't know what he was capable of doing to me. We placed the desk down on the floor, and looked around the room._

"_The walls could do with having something on them." Jacob wandered, idly._

"_Yeah, but wouldn't it be tricky, because we have a window, right there. I pointed to the far end of the cupboard._

"_We don't really need that window, you know. It doesn't really look out over anything in particular." He said this, while dragging the chair through the door._

"_I suppose not." I agreed, not really thinking about it._

_About a week later, Jacob had picked out a colour of wallpaper, and put it up over the window. He had boarded it up with wood before hand, though, to make sure it was easier._

_*_End Flashback*

Yes! There definitely **was **a window there! I walked over to the far end of the cupboard, and started feeling the walls over. Nothing. I kept searching, determined to find the window. After about five of six minutes of searching, I was getting frustrated again. The stupid tears were storming down my face in torrents, and my fingers were trembling. Then, I did something I hadn't done in a long time. It used to calm me down, all those 700 days ago. I began to hum a tune. A special tune that was written for me, by the one person I wished to beside me right now. It was my lullaby, and I hummed it, while searching for the window that was probably not even there anymore.

Hearing my lullaby again brought on a fresh wave of tears and I couldn't be bothered to try to stop them. Suddenly, my fingers encountered a bump in the wall. Bingo.

I started to tear away at the wallpaper, and discovered the wooden planks that Jacob had put over the window a few months back.

The nails that he had used for it were slightly rusted away, like the rain had gotten to them. That was good. That meant it would be easier to break off the wall.

I gripped the wood tightly between my fingers and pulled. The wood came free easier than I expected, and I found that it had gone mouldy in places. I didn't care at that moment in time. I just needed to get out.

Then a thought struck me. What was I going to do when I got out? I couldn't just go out and come back again. Maybe I should just run away and never come back. Like girls in fairytales do. I pulled at the last bit of wood, and it fell free.

I stood back, and admired my handiwork. Now I just needed to be able to open the window. I tried the lock but, obviously, it was properly locked. There was no way that I was going to unlock it without doing some serious damage. I even tried to kick it. _Definitely no-way that I was going to open it_, I thought. I tried to kick the lock one last time but instead, I missed it and kicked the window. With an ear splitting crash, the window shattered, leaving me with only one option. Jacob must have surely heard that. Sure enough I heard a shout from downstairs.

This was it, now or never. I lowered myself out of the window, slowly, until my feet hit the top of the garage that was conveniently situated right underneath the window. I dropped, just as I heard the cupboard door fly open off it's hinges. I dropped down from the roof of the garage, and hit the ground running. I turned the corner and sprinted right past the front door. I knew it wouldn't be long before he caught up with me. In fact, I don't know why I bothered. I heard the front door open, and whipped my head round to see Jacob's livid expression. I knew where I was headed now, but I just needed to get there. If I did, I was free. If I didn't, I was pretty much dead anyway. I ran along the top of the cliffs, searching for a good spot. There was none. They all lead down a path towards the beach. Jacob was catching up, and I had no way of ever reaching a good spot in time. Then, just as I had run out of hope, a proper cliff face came into view. _Yes! _I thought as I prepared myself to jump. This was it. Freedom. Jacob was so close now, I could feel the anger. 1...2..."Three!" I said as I jumped off the cliff face.

Just as I thought I had done it, that I was finally free from this nightmare, strong, burning hands reached down and grabbed me.

"No! I yelled. "No, you can't!"

"Oh yes I can." Jacob grunted as he pulled me up. He ignored my thrashing and kicking as he pulled me away from the edge.

Then, he slapped me "Bella, I forbid you to do that. Not because I care for you, but because I'm so mad right now!" I could see it on his face. He was mad.

I spat in his face "I **hate** you! So much. I **need** to leave, I** need** to go!"

Then, Jacob stopped. He sniffed the air. Once, Twice, three times. Then he backed away.

"Wha…" I began to say, but he cut me off.

"Vampire." He spat.


	6. Chapter 6

**Had a snow day today, so I could update two chapters!**

**A/N: If you hadn't figured it out by now, I don't like Jacob. I am totally Team Edward. *Runs away and hides from mob of Team Jacob fans - With pitchforks* Please don't kill me! **

**I think this is the last chapter. If you want, I can do a chapter or two from Edward's POV. What do you think? I won't bother if you don't review!**

Vampire. I knew exactly which Vampire he was talking about due to his expression. He was convulsing, like he did when he was about to phase into his wolf form. I was still in shock, but I managed to turn around and run. I willed my legs to move faster. I was too weak at the knees.

"Bella!" Jacob shouted from behind me. It was a strangled cry that made me stop dead in my tracks. I turned slowly to see him on his knees, his eyes pleading and livid.

"Please, Bella. Don't leave. If you leave, I **will **find you, and I **will **kill you!"

"Why should I stay?" I cried over the ferocious wind and rain "I don't love you, Jacob. I don't!" I couldn't tell if I was crying or not. The rain made it hard to tell.

"Yes you do! You love me and only me! He left you, he didn't want you. You were meaningless to him. He didn't care for you the way I do!"

"You think you love me?" I started to laugh, angrily. "Is locking them in a small, dark cupboard really the way to treat the one you love? Is punching the one you love any way to tell them the three words they want to hear Jake you could do **so** much better. You could love someone, properly. You could treat them special. You could even spoil them, like you used to do to me! You knew it was only a matter of time before the truth came out."

"I **hate** you! Bella, I've always hated you!"

"I know." Was all I said.

Then, he phased without warning. I screamed, and fell backwards as the giant russet brown wolf leered over me. He lifted his paw, and brought it down so fast I could hardly see it. I screamed in pain as he scarred the same marks as he did the time before. The wolf barked a laugh, and disappeared into the night. I lay there, with three freshly bleeding scars, not willing to move, sobbing my heart out. Then, I remembered why Jacob had freaked out and not killed me. Edward.

I picked my self up off the soaking ground and stumbled into the dark night.

I was still at the edge of the cliff and could vaguely see the dark, swirling waters beneath me.

"Edward!" I called, tripping over something. "Edward! Where are you, Edward?"

I started to run, not knowing how far I could go before I keeled over. Blood was running from my face quickly from the rain, and I could hardly see out of one eye. I hoped the rain would wash the blood away. I couldn't stand it.

"Edward, please! I know you're there. Please!" My strangled cry was lost in the wind, and I was sure not even a Vampire would have heard it. I started to cry harder that I had before. I felt alone.

"Edward!" I cried, one last time before sinking to my knees. What if Jacob had been lying? It's something he would do, isn't it? What if he had done that to raise my hopes, and see me get crushed when I realised that it wasn't true? What if Edward really wasn't here? What if he was never coming back? I thought I was used to that idea, but I plainly wasn't. I screamed with frustration.

_Well,_I thought, _If Edward isn't here, and Jacob is going to kill me anyway, shouldn't I end it here? _I had to. Right now. There was a storm, it was perfect!

I dragged myself up off the ground and stumbled my way to the edge of the cliff. As I got to the edge, I looked up at the sky for one last time. It was an angry purple and black colour, the clouds thick and heavy with the water pouring down on me. It was kind of beautiful. The most beautiful thing I was going to see before it all ended, and I was free.

_Well, Jacob._ I thought,_ You wanted to see me break and bend. Well, now's your chance._

I stretched my arms out, and took a deep breath.

I thought for one last time,_ I love you, Edward. You are my life, and I love you so much. Too much. Goodbye._

As I prepared myself for the jump, I heard a voice. Faint at first. But getting louder, as if someone was running towards me. No, It wasn't possible. Jacob had been lying, hadn't he?

"Bella"

I stopped breathing. The voice was right behind me. Pleading. It was the same, homey-like, smooth and lovely voice that I had begged for all this time.

"Bella, stop. Now."

I turned my head slowly, and he gasped. Oh, I had almost forgotten the scars on my face. I had been too lost in the voice. Then I saw his face. It was in pain. Twisted in agony and determination. Is eyes were burning with emotion, and they were black as pitch. He had dark shadows under his eyes and his shirt was torn and dirty.

"Why?" I whispered.

I could hardly force myself to speak. The wave of emotion that had hit me so hard wasn't letting me function properly. I didn't understand, why was he here?

"Bella, I'm sorry." He choked on the end of his sentence. "I'm sorry…I…I need you back. I need you."

I was sure that if it were possible for vampires to cry, he would be. The tears started down my face in a fresh torrent. Mixed with the blood.

"Why…why are you here?" I choked, "Why… I don't understand. You left. You didn't want me." I turned to face the raging ocean.

"NO!" He roared.

I turned around again, and saw how true his words were.

"I'm dyeing without you, Bella. I can't live without you, I just can't!" His voice was so pained, that it hurt me. I thought about it for one second, and sprinted towards him. I tripped over when I reached him, and fell, sobbing, into his arms.

"Bella." He whispered, a smile in his voice.

"I'm sorry, Edward!" I wailed. "I love you."

Edward took hold of my face, and searched it, the pain returning to his eyes.

"What has he done to you?" He whispered. "I'm sorry that I ever left. I thought it would be best." He sobbed dryly in front of me. "Stupid, stupid decision." He cursed, more to himself.

"I'm fine, now. I'm with you, and I love you." I leaned my forehead on his.

He sighed. "You're going to take me back so easily? I don't deserve you."

"I was going to say the same thing to you."

And with that, I leaned in to kiss him. Thunder rumbled in the sky, and lightening flashed, but I don't think anything could have distracted me and him. He kissed me more forcefully than he had usually allowed, and that suited me just fine.

For now, I was with Edward. Nothing could upset me now.

He pulled back after what felt like days and laughed.

"You're really back?" I asked him.

"I'm back." Those words were the ones to heal me. I was back home, in Edwards arms.

** Should I continue with Edwards POV? I would like to, and I only will if I get Six more reviews! **

**I'm also thinking of writing a sequel to this. Let me know you're thoughts and watch this space!**


	7. Chapter 7 EPOV

I was a broken man, broken and torn beyond repair. The only feeling I had in me was a searing, crushing grief. It felt as if I was being pulled to the bottom of a deep, dark pool. The pressure was cutting in on me, making it difficult to breathe. Technically, I don't need oxygen; I'm not a normal, living person. I could survive without it. This was different, though. Somehow, it wasn't oxygen I needed; it was space, and room. I felt claustrophobic, like the earth was trying to squeeze me into a small box and never let me out. I was already trapped, really. I could hardly move.

The pain was so intense, so real, that I couldn't concentrate on anything. It brought back memories of my family. They were probably getting on with their existences. I had been holding them up, with my mundane problems. Bringing them down with me as I fell into the pit of despair. Carlisle and Esme were both people who were too good to be true, their kindness spread like wildfire. You could only be miserable around them for so long, before you had to smile, or be a little happier.

Rosalie was all insistent that I get over Bella. She seemed to think that it was just like a normal romance. Like I had just been going out with her for the sake of it. The words "going-out" seem like poor, and unfit words to describe it. I had loved her so much, and I don't think any of the men in the world put together could have loved her as much as I. My cold, dead heart felt like it would start beating again any minute. That was how powerful it was.

Thinking about that brought back a fresh wave of old memories. I gasped and sank down to the ground. The forest I was in was covered in snow; the trees covered from head to toe. Before I met Bella, I would have thought that this scenery was beautiful. How wrong I was. Bella. Bella was the most beautiful thing in the universe, in my personal universe. Her soft, chocolate brown hair fell down to her shoulders in tumbles. Her wide, brown eyes could have held my gaze forever. I would have happily stared into them for the rest of my existence.

But I couldn't, and I would never have the opportunity again. I was doing this for her. I wasn't trying to prove myself, as Rosalie had put it. I wasn't trying to prove that I could cut myself up into a million pieces just for the one I loved. I was doing this for her sake, and only hers. I didn't care about myself anymore. I hated myself. I hated myself for putting Bella through this. For getting myself involved. I was just sorry that I had let it go on for so long; I had said from the start that I couldn't be with her. I'd told myself that it would have been wrong, maybe even sick. I'd known, yet I'd done it anyway. Caused both me and her pain.

I though about her all day and all night. When I closed my eyes, she was there. Waiting for me, and smiling. I closed my eyes now, and thought back to a time when I was happy. When we were both happy. Before I had dragged my family down, too.

_I sat in the rocking chair, in the far corner of her room. She lay on the bed, sleeping like an angel. She had had a restful night, and dawn was fast approaching.__ I liked to think that it was me that made her night so peaceful, although that probably wasn't the case. She was too beautiful. Like a goddess. Her beauty was painful, like it was too much to bear. Her hair lay smoothly on the pillow that her head rested on. Her full lips were parted, and she had the most beautiful smile on her face. I was about to get up to stroke her face, to run my hand through her, soft, brown hair, but she beat me to it. She screwed her eyes shut, and groaned as the light from outside came through the window. Then, with a gasp, she sat up and looked around the room. _

"_Your hair looks like a haystack, but I like it." I said, from the darkness._

_ Her head whipped around, and found me._

"_Edward! You stayed!" She called, throwing herself across the room. I almost laughed, but thought better of it when her scent reached me. I took a quick breath in, just to make sure, and laughed when I saw her expression._

"_Of course." I answered. I would always stay…_

The memory had filled me up, had taken over all of my senses. I almost forgot where I actually was. I didn't know that, though. So I couldn't forget it. I had travelled far across America. I had no wish to leave. I couldn't go that far. At least I was in the same country. That was far enough. For now, at least. My family seem to think that I will get used to it. That I may someday forget her. What an absurd thought.

"I will never forget her." I growled. So low that I don't think many people would have heard it. Not that there was anyone about, anyway.

The same thought came into my head almost hourly. _What if I went back to check? Just to check. There would be no harm in that, would there?_

Yes. I knew that there would be. I knew that if I went back, there would be nothing to stop me from running straight into her arms and stay there forever.

I heard that she married Jacob. I was envious right from the start. The first thought that came into my head when I heard was how quick and rushed it was. Bella would never do something as rushed as that, would she? She would certainly never let anyone force her into it. Or would she? Jacob was always an enemy, right from the start. What if he was doing that to get back at me, for leaving? No-one in their right mind would have done that, though, enemy or not.

_Jacob would. _Said a voice in the back of my head. _You know he would._

That was it. What if he mistreated her? What if he was disrespectful of her? What if he didn't give her all the love and care she deserved?

I had to go back, to check. I couldn't just not. Could I? I needed to. Almost as much as I needed to be with her forever.

I found myself at the airport. What was I doing? I promised her. _I owe it to her_. Right then, though, I just didn't care. I needed to see if she was okay, at least. I queued up to buy my ticket, and the woman at the counter caught my eye.

_Oooh. This one's tasty! I wonder if he would…_

I blanked her out. Humans were so mundane sometimes. I reached the desk and the woman made a stupid attempt at flirting. She fluttered her eyelashes, and said, "What can I do for you, sir." It wasn't hard to catch the double meaning in her words.

"A plane ticket to Seattle, please." I said, as politely as possible.

"Sure, may I ask why you are planning on going to Seattle. Clearly with no luggage. Airport security." She added the "Airport Security" lie on the end hastily.

That was none of her business, but I decided to let her down the hard way.

"I'm going to see the girl who means everything to me."

She blinked her eyes, and recovered from her reverie.

"Have a good flight, and I… I mean we…hope to see you back here soon."

I took the tickets from her, and walked slowly to the waiting lounge.

I sat down, and wandered if it really would have been quicker to run.

I was interrupted from my thoughts, by a little tapping on my right arm. I looked down, and saw a little girl with soft brown hair, just like Bella's.

"You look sad, sir." She spoke with a small voice, and if I were human, I may not have heard it.

"I am." I answered simply.

"Why? I don't like people being sad." She looked me in the eyes and I was startled to see they were the same as Bella's.

"The girl I love is married to someone else, and I promised myself that I would stay away." Why was I telling this girl everything? She surely couldn't be interested, could she?

"Is she pretty? I imagine she would be, you are." She fluttered her eyelashes at me and I smiled.

I sighed, and reached into the pocket of my jeans. There, I kept the picture that I had taken out so many times, it was creased. It had been unfolded and folded so many times, too. It was the picture that I took with me when I left. The one she had folded over and stuck it with her face down. I looked at it once, and handed it to the little girl. She took it carefully, so as not to put her fingerprints on the picture.

"She is pretty!" The girl said, happily.

"I know. She is the most beautiful girl in the world."

Then I heard someone calling, and could only guess that is was the girls mother calling her back.

"Isabelle! Isabelle! Isabelle, this isn't funny!"

"I'm here, mommy!" The girl called her over, and I stopped breathing. Her name was Isabelle. I almost laughed.

"Isabelle, haven't I told you? You don't talk to strangers!" Her mother said, in a hushed voice.

"But he looked sad! He had a beautiful girlfriend, too!" She showed the picture to her mom.

"Give that back to him at once!" She snapped. "I hope she hasn't been any trouble." She said apologetically to me.

"Not at all." I said, trying to smile.

The woman took the girl by the hand and led her away. Isabelle looked behind her one last time, and smiled a big smile. I returned it with difficulty.


	8. Chapter 8

**This is it! Last chapter. Thank's to everyone who reviewed. It meant a lot :P**

I now sat in the plane, staring at the small screen that told me how far I was from home. A long time. That was how long it was until I saw her. I was bored by the mundane slowness of humans. The air hostesses walked up and down the aisle slowly. The people walked to and from the restroom slowly. It was boring. My thoughts wandered back to Bella, and I closed my eyes, leaning back in the chair. Imagining.

_I imagined that Bella was here, in my arms. She was sitting on my lap, and I was playing with her hair. She sighed and leant into me, closing her eyes. I did the same, and wrapped my arms around her, planning never to let go... _

A tapping on my arm broke through my thought process again, and I looked up to see a worried looking air hostess.

"Sir, it's time you got off the plane, now."

"Of course. Sorry." I apologised, and got up to join the throng of people jostling about in the aisle. I hadn't realised how long I had been daydreaming.

"Sir" She called back to me. I turned and saw that she was holding up a photo in her hand. My photo. "Is this yours?" She began to scrutinise the photo, frowning.

_She's not very pretty. _She thought._ He deserves someone so much prettier._

I spoke in a growl, without thinking. "You dare to think that again, and you will wish you had never met me." My voice was so menacing and low, that she almost buckled over. She looked shocked. I held out my hand for the photo, and she gave it to me, quickly. I turned and walked down the almost empty aisle.

I didn't rent a car, seeing as I could run. I needed to run. I needed to clear my head, to think. I didn't bother to go through customs. I didn't need to. I began walking away towards the forest from the line of people being escorted to the terminal.

"Sir!" A man called out to me and began to run up to me. I stopped and got out my wallet already knowing how I was going to win this argument. "Sir, I must protest! You need to go into the airport."

"I will pay you a decent amount of money, if you let me walk away." I just realised how dead and empty my voice was. Normally, I wouldn't use money as a way of getting things. Today was different though. I was so close to seeing her for one last time. I didn't care how much money I spent on getting there.

"Sir…" The man started to speak, but I pushed the wad of money into his hand.

_So this isn't a joke then. He looks like a decent guy. He isn't dangerous. I can see that._ Humans were so easily persuaded. I left him standing there, and ran. Fast. Even if anyone had seen me run, they wouldn't have believed it. They would have probably blamed it on the rain, playing tricks with their eyes. So much of the real world that they missed.

I ran through the damp, green forests. Not caring that I was getting soaked. I wasn't thinking, just running. Running to the exact place that I needed to be. Then, I slowed down as a thought struck me. I couldn't get into La Push. I was stuck by the treaty. If I did go in, I would ruin everything that we had tried to do for the past century.

_Damn that! _I thought. A treaty wasn't going to stop me. I wasn't going to stay there, anyway.

I pushed on, and ran faster than I had before. The need to check, to see if she really was okay, was overpowering me. I didn't trust Jacob, and I never made a secret of it. I knew what he was capable of, just like I knew what I was capable of.

Forks was looming ahead, and I couldn't get there fast enough. The same thought struck me again, like a knife. _What if she's badly injured ._Or_ What if she's happy? _I was just about to ruin it all for her if she was.

Two minutes later, I recognised something. It was something so small; no normal person would have remembered it. But I did. It was a tree stump. The same one that I had seen when I was following Bella through the forest. I was home. I veered left, and took a non existent path that I knew would take me almost directly to La Push.

I slowed down again when I came near. I had to be careful, in case I bumped into anyone that I didn't want to. Like Jacob. I walked to the edge of the forest, by the cliffs, and stopped. The scent hit me like a wall of fire. It burned in my throat. Somehow, it didn't seem to bother me as much anymore. Maybe it was because I couldn't bear to think of the consequence of what might happen if I lost control, or I slipped up. The strength of the scent meant that she was around here. Maybe even closer that I thought. I looked to my right, and saw the house I knew to be hers. I felt a lump in my throat as I stumbled toward it.

Suddenly, a yell broke through my concentration.

"Bella." It was a strangled yell, full of sorrow, and despair. I was about to head straight for the sound, but thought better of it. What if they were talking? I couldn't just run in like that could I? She was fine, wasn't' she? I had seen that, so I could let her go now. I turned round to go, but heard Jacobs voice again. And I despised what I heard.

"Please, Bella. Don't leave. If you leave, I** will** find you, and I **will **kill you." I growled. I began to charge in the direction of the offending voice. I was going to kill him. Before he got anywhere near her. I got halfway, though, before I felt the hand on my shoulder that I had been waiting for. It was Carlisle.

"Son. It would hurt her. You know it would."

"But he's threatening to kill her!" I hissed.

"You promised yourself that you wouldn't interfere with her again. You can't ruin that now. Let her go."

I stopped struggling against the hand that was restraining me, and turned to face him. His face was serious, and I knew that I would lose the battle.

_I know you love her, but this is the path she chose._

"I know." I answered his thoughts as if they had been spoken out loud.

The voice of an angel came from the clearing. "Why should I stay?" She sounded frightened, but tired, as if she had had to put up with strain. My body went rigid as I heard the voice that I had craved for all these months.

"I don't love you, Jacob. I don't!" She didn't? Then why did she marry him? Had she loved him? Then had he betrayed her in some way? I was confused for the first time in a while.

"Yes, you do! You love me and only me! He left you, he didn't want you. You were meaningless to him. He didn't care for you the way I do!" The dog didn't know how wrong he was. But, had I done this? Was it my fault that Bella was here today?

He weak voice sent me to my knees. "You think you love me?" She started laughing weakly. "Is locking them in a small, dark cupboard really the way to treat the one you love? Is punching that someone really the way to tell them the three words that they need to hear? Jake, you could do so much better." I was on me knees, and I was breaking in everyway possible. Carlisle bent down next to me, and whispered.

"Let her go." No, NO! I couldn't do that. He knew me better than that. He knew how much I cared for her. So much it hurt.

"You could love someone properly!" Bella shouted again. Her voice almost getting lost in the wind. "You could treat them special. You could even spoil them, like you used to do to me! You knew it was only a matter of time before the truth came out!"

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I didn't want to hear this. I wanted to kill Jacob and I wanted to run to Bella. I wanted to stay with her. I couldn't move though. I was literally stuck with the words I was hearing.

"I **hate** you, Bella. I always have."

"I know." That was all she said, and with those two words, I could tell she was crying.

The next thing that happened caught me off guard. He phased. With Bella right in front of him, I guessed.

"No!" I roared, as I heard Bella scream.

"Edward!" Carlisle warned, still keeping his hand on my shoulder.

I could hear the lush tearing of flesh, as he tore through her. I could smell the scent of her blood as strongly as if I was the one who did that.

I heard the wolf bark a laugh and I heard the thundering of paws against the ground. Getting louder. He was coming in my direction. Fast.

I broke free of Carlisle's slackened hand, and Sprinted for the russet brown wolf. Carlisle was right behind me, and I knew he would get me. I could just tell.

"Edward! Edward! Where are you, Edward!" That wasn't Carlisle. The true pain in the voice made me stop dead again. I was now torn. I could go and kill the one that I hated, or I could see the one that I needed. I turned round, and sprinted back the way I had come. It was quite far.

I came to the edge of the forest, and Carlisle got hold of my shoulder. Again.

I turned round in annoyance, and saw that he wasn't paying attention to me. He was staring out toward the cliffs. His stare was glassy.

"Carl…." But I stopped when I saw Bella's reflection in his eyes. She was facing out to the cliffs, right at the edge. I turned quicker than any human could, and stared as she stretched her arms out. Preparing to jump. I gathered more strength to break free of my fathers grasp, this time, and reached the edge of the forest. I couldn't go too close to her. She would freak out and rush into it.

My voice was pleading. "Bella…"

She stopped breathing.

"Bella, stop. Now." She needed to stop. She couldn't do this to me.

She turned, then, slowly and I saw what exactly had happened. She was scarred. Badly. The whole right side of her face was covered in blood, dripping off her chin. I could make out three definite, deep scratches running through her face. My face was twisted in agony. How did the dog do this to her. She was almost broken. One more nudge and she would fall over the edge. She was so skinny too. So much more fragile than she was before. So much more breakable.

"Why?" She whispered.

Why? Why? Why was she thinking like that? Had things really been that bad when I was gone? If they had, then I should have been here. I should have stayed. I could see that now. She looked so confused.

"Bella, I'm sorry." I choked on the end of my sentence. "I…I need you back. I need you." It was true. I needed her, like a heart needs a beat. I couldn't function properly without her. She was the beat that my dead, mangled heart needed.

She choked and I realised that she was crying.

"Why…Why are you here?" Why? I don't understand. You left me…You didn't want me." With that, she turned back toward the open ocean.

"NO!" I roared. She took a deep breath and turned back to face me. By now I was sobbing dryly. My body not capable of producing tears anymore.

This time I spoke my mind properly. "I'm dyeing without you, Bella." I hoped these words worked because I had nothing else at all. "I can't live without you, Bella. I just can't!"

She thought about it for a split second, and came running towards me. As I had predicted, she fell over. I caught her before she touched the ground, and she stayed there, in my arms, sobbing her heart out. I was doing the same, and I held onto her, tightly for a long moment.

"Bella" I sighed as I smiled, contentedly.

"I'm sorry, Edward!" She wailed. "I love you!"

She did? After what had happened. She still loved me? The thought made my heart feel like it was going to burst through my chest. I took hold of her face so carefully in between my hands, and searched it. The scars were beginning to clot, and she had more bruises than I had first thought. It made me angry.

"What has he done to you?" I whispered my voice not able to get any louder. "I'm so sorry that I ever left. I thought it would be best." I sobbed dryly, scrambling for excuses. Of course. There was none. I had no excuse for doing this to her. "Stupid, stupid decision." I cursed to myself.

Bella leant her forehead on mine and said, "I'm fine, now. I'm with you, and I love you."

Although her words made me inexplicably happy, I sighed.

"You're going to take me back so easy? I don't deserve you."

Bella smiled, "I was going to say the same to you."

She leaned in to kiss me, and I suddenly felt perfect. As if I'd never left, as if I'd never been broken. I was home.

I pulled away all too quickly, and laughed.

"You're back?" She asked.

"I'm back."

**How was it? Too out of character? I want to know! :P Even though it's finished, reviews are STILL welcome! xx**


	9. Chapter 9 Help!

**Help!! Planning on another story, but have writers block! Ahhhhh!**

**Right, I want you to decide what story sounds more appealing.**

**Story 1:**

**Edward leaves Bella, and Bella crashed the motorcycle that Jake fixed. She sustains a serious head injury. She loses her memory, and leaves Forks. Moves to Alaska, and finds Edward. She obviously doesn't know who he is. What will happen?**

**Or...**

**Story 2:**

**Edward left. Bella was changed, by Victoria. Jake killed Victoria for revenge. Bella sets out to find Edward when she finds the things that Edward left under her floorboards. Jake told her that Edward did still love her. Bella ends up back in forks after following Edward's scent. He is in trouble with the Volturi, and a big fight is breaking out. Edward is against about three of them. Bella intervenes and stops the volturi. Edward follows the mysterious woman, and discovers who it really is.**

I don't mind which one you guys perfer. Just let me know by reviewing, and tell me what you think of the ideas. I am open to comments and **constructive **criticism.


	10. Chapter 10

**Okay guys! At the moment, it looks like story two has the edge. I will try to write as fast as I can, but there is only so much I can do. Term has started, so I will have homework. I am also going to try and make this story as good as it can be. Please be patient. :)**


	11. New Story Alert

Alright! My new story is up. If you were actually waiting, then thank you for being patient. I bet you have all forgotten about me though :P Anyway, please check it out. And review...Pretty Please?


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